They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
