4 words: hood of his car
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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