I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Randomize
