Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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