my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
