Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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