Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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