I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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