I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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