how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
