My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
