there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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