im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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