Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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