i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
