Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
