no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
