Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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