All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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