I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Blood and glitter go together right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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