Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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