i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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