Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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