Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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