Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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