I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
