meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
