I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
