Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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