my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
