i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
