Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
