Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
