I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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