I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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