the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think i have herpe
just one?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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