hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
