it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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