Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
