I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
