Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
