my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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