I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
