I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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