I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
