wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
