when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
