She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
