why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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