...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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