booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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