I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
