im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
