well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
