DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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