Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
