Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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