Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
