I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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