So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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