I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
