Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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