I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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