If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
